Suddenly Single at 50

You’ve been married to the same man for decades, you’ve raised your children and sent them on their way, you’re rattling around in a big, echoing house, and your marriage has gone south. Where do you go from here?

• You’re not alone.

Legion are the middle-aged couples facing this dilemma, and I was one of them. Though I’m the one who ended our long marriage, I’ve come to realize that divorce is never the fault of one person. It takes two to Cha-Cha. After the children leave, a couple is often left with a strained or empty marriage. Too much time was spent working and raising the children, and too little time was dedicated to cultivating the marriage. Whatever the reason(s) for divorce, it is still sad and disconcerting for everyone involved.

•  Time to re-build your life.

After the divorce is over, and you’ve had some time to heal and reflect, it’s time to start rebuilding – even if your anger and sadness still come and go. It does you no good to ruminate over your previous marriage, re-hash your resentments, or look back and wish that you’d done things differently.

• Getting back into the game.

I can’t begin to tell you how strange it is to begin dating again in your fifties! All the rules have changed. There are the same places to meet members of the opposite sex, i.e., your apartment building, social clubs, Parents without Partners, church, and on the job. Nothing has changed with that. Only now, social networking and on-line dating has rapidly become the easiest way to meet people with similar goals and interests.

• On-line dating.

From a woman’s point of view, there are a few things that you should be aware of. Most of the men on dating sites are nice human beings, usually divorced, looking for a significant other. Nothing wrong with that. But you need to be careful because some people are not exactly forthright in how they represent themselves.

The very first man I dated was “divorced” in his online profile, but “married” in real life. When his wife e-mailed me, he was history.

Some men are desperate for a wife to replace the one that divorced them. Any old wife will do. Steer clear of these people.

One man who e-mailed me listed his occupation as "Horse Whisperer." BIG red flag! Who on earth is a horse whisperer?

Another man I spoke with, a long-haul truck driver, told me that on his way through town, he wanted to "swing by and get another wife." I wasn't sure if he wanted to become a bigamist or was looking to lasso a wife at the Okay Corral. (I put him on the shelf with the Horse Whisperer.)

All-in-all, though, the people you meet online are regular people just like the ones you would meet in the real world.

•  One final caveat.

When you decide to get together with someone from an online dating site, it’s a good idea to meet him at your destination for the first couple of dates. Don’t give him your address until you think the friendship has possibilities. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

I met my husband on an online dating site. He was divorced, and so was I. After two dates, we became a couple, have been together over five years and married for three. (We figured out that, between us, we have over fifty years of marriage – just not to each other!)

• Live Life.

One important element of starting over is building new, good memories. Join the company softball team, become involved in helping others, keep going to church, and get to know your children as Mom – instead of as Mom and Dad. The happier that you are in your new life, the better your adult children will feel about it. Try not to pry them for information about your ex, and do not discuss your dating life with your adult children. Later, if you become serious about someone, you can broach the subject with them then.

Sixty percent of all first marriages end in divorce. With each subsequent marriage, the divorce rate is much higher. If marriage were easy, everyone would stay married. But that’s not how it is.

After divorce, you feel like a root-bound plant that’s been yanked from its pot. After shaking off the old dirt, and replanting it in a bigger container, the plant goes into shock. But with a little bit of sunshine, water, time, and TLC, the little plant anchors its roots and begins to grow.

http://hubpages.com/_3ifyyz5nerxrm/hub/Fifty-and-Starting-Over-Again

http://hubpages.com/_3ifyyz5nerxrm/hub/strengthfortheday

http://hubpages.com/_3ifyyz5nerxrm/hub/Starting-Over-at-Yikes-40

Starting Over After 50:

http://www.sandydavidson.com/

Starting Over at 50? Dreams of My "Golden Years" Revamped:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/318610/starting_over_at_50_dreams_of_my_golden.html?cat=9